So my little bronco truck and I made the long ass drive to Los Angeles, but of course my truck was tired the last 100 miles and I had to stop on the side of the road to let it rest. And boy did my truck hate the "grapevine", didn't like those hills at all. But we made it, I made it somehow. I've never driven that far, especially by myself with everything I own and in that traffic. That was my first time doing all of that.
The first night there, I somehow found my way to NoHo. I got a little motel room and took a shower and slept. I was exhausted and hungry and sick all at the same time. I drove to Los Angeles from Clearlake all in one day. But by the time I got there my nerve or my drive had kinda diminished. But the next day I went to try and find this Walmart on Crenshaw Blvd. I found the street but I couldn't find the Walmart. But of course I was so busy trying to not get in an accident that I probably didn't see it.
Driving down there is the worst part of it. My work was not happy at me having a mental breakdown and running away from home to LA. They tried telling me that my place was in Clearlake and that they'd only coach me when I came back, not fire me. I'm like who do you think you are telling me where I belong!? Anywho, I gave up on my search for the Walmart. I went a rented a motel room in Hollywood, which I love! But first I got lost in Beverly Hills, which I also love!
Driving through all those towering palm trees and seeing the Hollywood sign in the distance, it just made me smile, the happiest feeling in the world. That's where I belonged. But....I just couldn't do it alone anymore. I didn't stay, maybe if I had somewhere someone would let me stay until I found a job I'd have stayed. Which I did get a call about a job down there for something and an email for a holiday position at Macy's. So I know I can get a job down there that isn't with Walmart.
So the next day I drove back to Northern California, but instead of back to Clearlake I drove to Sonoma which ended up being the craziest drive ever! My older brother and his girlfriend, who was actually our childhood friend, wanted me to move in with them. So I said yes, cuz I need a change in my life. I hate change though, but I needed this change. Walmart and Clearlake were driving me crazy, I mean literally. That's why I broke down and left in the first place.
I'm not disappointed in myself and I'm not giving up on moving there and being in the entertainment industry. My brother said I can do whatever I want. I plan on getting a more economical vehicle and go to college in Santa Rosa and get a part time job. In the meantime, I'm applying for unemployment. And it'll be nice to get back to a normal sleeping schedule! I really don't want anyone to feel bad for me. Though I may have this feeling of emptiness inside of me right now and I'm not sure of anything at the moment but even though I don't feel like it right now. I'll be alright.
I did something crazy and alone and unlike me. I was brave for once in my life. And part of that is thanks to everyone who believed in me and the strength I get from the words of encouragement from Dianna Agron. Gosh, I wish I could've met her while I was there. Someday I will, someday all my dreams will come true. I'm going to make it happen within the next 5 years, before I'm 30, lol. But I'll be doing a change of address soon and I'll get back to all my pen-pals too.
But I guess I just need to not think about this all too much cuz I might break down and cry and feel like a failure. It might be that emptiness I feel, I don't know. Anywho, I just wanted you guys to know that I'm alright and safe.
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